Goodbye confusion, hello mystery.
Without Net Card Deck, before I made the numbers more colorful.
The Without a Net Cards are representations of my mind states, created in an attempt to be more honest with myself. I wanted to look more closely at some of the running commentary, driving motivations, and longtime habits that had been my frequent companions throughout my life.
It’s not like I hadn’t looked at them before the painting series. In fact I’d dug deep over the decades, through writing and sharing with others. I’d become much more aware of my tendencies, and I’d come to some acceptance and relief in all areas. I’d changed behaviors for the better, and gained faith in myself, God, and others.
But I knew there was more I wanted to access. I didn’t just want freedom from the painful aspects of myself, although that intention played a part. I wanted to access a different lens through which to view all of my conditioned behaviors and perspectives. At any rate, I knew something was missing from my current standpoint, and I was curious enough to partake in the experiment.
What were the paintings supposed to do? How was that supposed to work?
It could be argued that staring at yourself all the time is narcissistic and will only ingrain the material you’re studying deeper into your consciousness. Shouldn’t you be doing something more transcendent like meditating so your false self disintegrates and your true nature can shine?
If focusing on spiritual attainment alone had worked to dismantle the veils that blocked my enlightened self, I would have gone with that. I would have on the yoga mat at all hours.
In my experience I’ve had to clean out the veils of ignorance that keep me stuck and learn to cultivate access the expansiveness of my true nature. They work in alchemical tandem. And all the while I had to walk the path of daily life, using what arose to point me back to myself, where deeper understanding was waiting in the wings if I was open.
I like to hear from great teachers of the spiritual and creative path, but I can’t just hear or read about self-inquiry and awakening The reason Without a Net offers workshops and a course with practices, is that any philosophy of living is best digested by living according to it, not just agreeing with it.
I’m all for transcendence. The moments or days when the universe is one seamless glow of energy is a heck of a thing to want more of. But realistically, for us not-quite-saints, cultivating the means to navigate with equanimity the less radiant moments of life is just as important. When we can sense a touch of the divine while filling out medical forms or mowing the yard or listening to our grouchy brother-in-law, we know we’re doing quite well.
My paintings, little by little, one brush stroke at a time, over the years, helped me access that new lens I was hoping for. I couldn’t have known what would come of it then, and I can barely describe it now, but I see those frequent mind companions very differently. The confusion is gone, but the mystery is welcome. I don’t know that I’ve let them all go, but I’ve let them be.
I hope that something offered in Without a Net opens a door to freedom for others, even if just a crack. Meanwhile, the creative act of sharing it is one more way I find connection with reality and my true essence, so I’ll keep at it.
