The Obstacle is the Path
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash
A long time ago a friend gave me a magnet with the saying “The obstacle is the path,” attributed as a Zen saying. I rolled my eyes, then winked. I knew why she gave it to me. It seemed at the time like my life was one big obstacle.
Since then I’ve become more patient and resilient with difficulties, but the past month brought me a slew of annoying life issues to deal with.
I need a new roof. I need a tooth implant. Our business email went haywire. My bank account security was compromised. I had to reset 200 passwords on 200 different websites. And that’s just a few of the nearly 30 things that cropped up just as I was gaining momentum on my Without a Net programs. I was indignant!
Normally when two, three, or four of these kinds of things happen, I use my tried-and-true “wisdom-lite” skills that help me navigate the travails of daily living. I use the phrase This Too Shall Pass. I take a deep breath and remember that nothing lasts. In the meantime I can soak up whatever junior lessons and life-tweaks the travails have to offer.
This month Wisdom Lite only took me so far.
The first week that things went haywire it was easy to keep my cool and face each snag with equanimity. I got this, I could say without effort. I kept the pace with my passion project so I wouldn’t get off track.
The second week I got a bit more annoyed. Seriously? I was just getting motivated and inspired with my creative undertakings, and now I was going to lose my groove because of all these stupid dealings.
The third week I had to drop all normal life and fun activities to put out fires. I was stressed, pissed, and tired. I had moments when an old, familiar mind state came out of the moth balls, saying Why does this crap always happen to me?
The fourth week I noticed how unhappy I’d become and wondered, What big lesson am I supposed to learn here?
I was reminded by my friend Casey Von Neumann that whatever I'm dealing with is actual life, as opposed to the obstacles to actual life.
That Zen saying wasn’t just a tenet of Buddhism. Marcus Aurelius said it, too: “The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” Good stuff! Hearing this alone was helpful.
But Casey didn’t leave me with a pithy saying. If these impediments were to advance me, what was I learning? She asked the difficult question, What am I getting out of this?
She wasn’t referring to that guilt-inducing idea about how you’re attracting bad things with your bad vibe. I knew she meant, What was contributing to me falling into my old perspective of “the obstacle is the obstacle.” How was I being my own obstacle?
Everyone’s lesson to be learned from adversity is different. In this particular case I was challenged to look at my ingrained perspectives that helped guarantee that I’d stay stuck and bewildered.
In previous dives into self-inquiry I’ve learned that throughout my life I’d learned to see myself as the survivor, the tolerator, the expert in resilience. I’d developed pride in being a fixer of broken things. I was a specialist in wanting my situation to be better but not having it. I was comfortable with this devil that I knew.
With progress in this area, I now carry a healthier self-image and have made choices for a much more serene life. It’s not often that I’m thrown into situations so challenging that this part of me might be prodded to surface. But here it was. I still felt a sense of achievement for my ability to endure misfortune. I was ready to tough it out.
The remedy for this relentless stoicism would be to ask for help, as much help as is needed or is possible to make the road easier. This is where I really hit the hard realization. I didn’t trust people enough to take that risk. Experience had left me with the sad outcome that I’d rather suffer with mountains of calamity than get someone else in the mix.
I now get to make choices based on seeing my old patterns in a new light.
To be fair, I not void of helpers now. I’ve graduated in this tender area enough to have people working for me and friends who are there for me. However, the situation at hand requires that I step up my game and get a bigger team. It’s like I have less players on the field than the sport requires. Odds are, I’m going to lose the match.
In answer to Casey’s question, What are you getting out of this? The answer is, if I kept the same path, I wouldn’t have to change. If I kept my same old mindset I’d be snug in my same old cozy blanket of the past. My old identity wasn’t smart or easy or beneficial, but it was comfortable. And I wouldn’t have to risk the messy trouble of mixing it up with people who might disappoint me or make things harder for me.
Once I gained the awareness of my fears, I knew where to leave them. Right where they are. I noticed them, acknowledged them, felt them, and let them be. They’ll change into something else, but not in my time or how I expect it. For now, it’s OK if I’m vulnerable and unsure of action. That’s where I should be, and is why I need help in the first place.
Is my stint of “bad luck” over? I don’t know. For now I’m stretching myself by asking for help, knowing that it might get messy but that sooner or later I’ll get better systems in place for my needs.
How were these obstacles my path? I’m becoming more aware and more compassionate about myself. I got help from others and am gaining courage for more connections. I’m getting a new roof, a new tooth, and a new IT guy. I’ll have more experience with Grace to share with others.
As it continues to unfold, I know that this month will render more rewards that extend out into the future. What stood in the way is becoming the way.
