A Beautiful Negative Idea
When alcoholics enter AA, the first thing they’re asked to comprehend is a seemingly super negative proposition.
The first of their 12 Steps is “Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Surrender of the limited self is one of the most advanced spiritual concepts in religious and spiritual paths, yet it’s thrown at forlorn, exhausted people right when they walk in the door for help.
Why do the 12 Step programs start here?
Because powerlessness is not that hard to grasp it if you’re near or at bottom. No one comes to a recovery program because they’re slightly bothered by life and want a little pick-me-up.
The notion of our powerlessness is ideally introduced when we feel at our worst, because we are in a unique, perfect, uncommon place to accept something deep and transformative. It’s the most fertile time to introduce a new way of thinking.
“You have no power over your problem and you can’t manage your life.”
We all have times in our life when accepting this statement is not a stretch. We might have a little fight left in us, but it wouldn’t take much to get us to let go. Sometimes it actually feels a little better to admit it.
I like to say it’s a feeling of defeat and relief at the same time. I’ve usually been dealt a rough hand of cards to learn it, but if I know it, it’s a glorious recognition.
It means someone/something else is in charge. But…
It’s best that I acknowledge this powerlessness before I start thinking about where help is coming from. I need to admit the truth before I start thinking about hope.
That’s because when I’m at my worst, words of encouragement sound unreal. I wouldn’t be in the spot I’m in if I hadn’t been down every road trying to cheer myself up and make things work. Being asked to think positive sounds insulting. I think, “Do you think I haven’t already tried that many times?”
When we’re near our worst, hearing that we’re powerless is the first piece of sense we’ve heard in a while. Even if we’re still fighting and hate the idea of surrender, something in us is close to giving in.
For me, hopeful words (before powerlessness) incited me to try one more way to pull up my bootstraps and be a good person and make whatever situation go the way I wanted it to.
So better if first I’m given something I can swallow: My way hasn’t worked.
What we don’t realize when we’re first introduced to the idea, is that surrender and powerlessness are not negative. They are actually terrific news!
What it’s really saying is that
I can stop fighting.
I can take a deep breath.
I am not the doer here.
I can’t fix my mind with my mind.
“Figure it out” is not my working order.
Those other people and situations are not in my control and that’s a good thing, no matter what it looks like to me right now.
These days surrender comes more naturally, because of experience.
I’ve been taught by wise people who are serene no matter what’s going on in their life.
The more I surrender, the easier it gets.
The more I release my ingrained perspectives that keep me stuck, the less there is to surrender.
I trust my limited mind less and less.
I know the the freedom and joy of not being the boss.
Now, the freedom and joy of surrender comes and goes. And when it goes, I have something to learn. Each thing that trips me up, from someone cutting me off in traffic to a catastrophic life event, is an invitation to deepen my ability to surrender. Each thing that trips me up says, “would you like more happiness, joy and freedom? Take yourself out of the driver’s seat.”
Now, obviously I’ve left out the rest of the process. After surrender comes the introduction to that which actually is in charge, and the fascinating journey of learning to trust in it. For now, let’s just stay with this beautiful, negative idea. Take a deep breath and say it.
I am not in charge. Hallelujah .
